The Gang attended the Eagles/Browns game and apparently the Browns had no idea they had to pay the troll toll to get into the Eagles hole. A few minutes in and the Gang quickly became bored to tears, so to spice things up Frank shot RG3 in the shoulder while a boozed up Green Man kept heckling the Browns receivers resulting in many drops.
Mac performed some of his air karate moves near Joe Thomas which made Joe really nervous and fidgety so he inexplicably started blocking phantom defenders resulting in an overall poor day blocking-wise for the future Hall of Famer. Dennis snuck into the players wives and girlfriends area and banged all of the 1st stringers’ significant others in his Birds of War outfit that he wears to all Eagles games.
Sweet Dee really wanted to pitch her new stand up material and thought that halftime would be the perfect opportunity. She drank heavily all first half, rushed on towards the 50 to try and grab a mic but was spotted by big Browns nose tackle Danny Shelton. Shelton did his patented bull rush towards her to prevent her from causing a scene but Sweet Dee jump kicked him in the face (with his helmet on) knocking him down and making him woozy the rest of the day. Because of this, he was even more of a non factor in the second half than he was in the first.
Because they had such eh meh day, the Gang has decided to just stay put at Paddy’s when the Browns come to Philly in future years.
On to tighter things…
There was a flurry of activity the days leading up to the 4th annual FFBMCO draft. A handful of DEALS were made, and a new villain was born, sparking some new rivalries. Just to recap:
Year 2 of 3 in the DeAndre Hopkins trade from last season, Burkhardt Bandits will receive 1st and 2nd rd picks and FunkyEngineThatCould will receive 7th and 8th rd picks.
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ARod’s Brauny Bunch received the 4th overall pick and a 6th round pick while Leonard Washingtons received the 7th overall pick and a 3rd rd pick
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Burkhardt Bandits received the 2016 5th overall pick and will receive 2017 7th and 8th rounders while Chuck Deal received the 22nd overall pick and will receive 2017 1st and 2nd rounders.
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Das Boot received Marcus Mariota while Stand Your Ground received Todd Gurley
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But it’s what didn’t happen that will leave a lasting impact on FFBMCO history. For multiple days leading up to the draft, ARod’s Brauny Bunch and Burkhardt Bandits were in constant talks about a potential deal. As the draft start time drew nearer, both owners made separate deals and never actually pulled a trade off between themselves. However during the draft, Burkhardt Bandits pulled a Carlos Boozer and drafted a player he said he was not interested in, which left ARod’s Brauny Bunch temporarily dazed, confused, and salty. A boozed up Leonard Washingtons became furious when he comprehended what took place, as he has been boys with ARod’s Brauny Bunch since the old 2011 PNC rotation days. Joe Dunbar who leads the Burkhardt Bandits stood by his “Hulk Hogan turned heel” shocker, resulting in a cross conference rivalry with Nick H, as well as an interdivision rivalry with Nick F.
After the first week of games, FFBMCO co-creator and commissioner Shaun Herrick of Chesty McDoon’s dropped a 175.82 spot on co-worker and fresh dad Scott O of Stand Your Ground while the previously referenced Burkhardt Bandit possee spit up 57.9 points against the increasingly erratic and senile Conneaut Joe, owner of the Golden Boy Farm who dropped the 2nd highest sum of 141.7 in week 1.
With 2 weeks still to go, Chuck Deal is in the lead for the September contest with Cleveland product Teddy Ginn Jr’s 20 rushing yards by a WR. Nobody should fret though because if 3 + years of this tells us anything, it’s that Chuck Deal doesn’t win things.
Time to go drink warm milk with the McPoyles!
