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Brian3000 8 years, 6 months ago.
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The gloomy gray skies of an Ohio autumn encompass the Golden Boy Farm after the GBF was handed its first defeat of 2015 at the hands of Dilinger’s Dirt Mane. The Stanonik was so confident in his win he left the farm in the trusted hands of GBF assistant coach Mike Pettine. The Stanonik was horrified to return Sunday night not only to find that no starter scored in double digits but that one of the anchors of his title run, Jamaal Charles, was laying on the turf of the GBF holding his knee in pain after a very enthusiastic game of oily leap frog. The Stanonik in a fit of rage screamed obscenities at the his assembled Golden Boys that can only be described as “Tourette’s Guy” level. At one point the Stanonik was quoted as turning to a tearful Danny Shelton (token Samoan Golden Boy) and screaming “CRY ME A RIVER YOUR FAT FUCK! YOU BE FAT FUCKING BABY!!!! YOU DISGUST ME!!!!!!” and then promptly (literally) kicked his fat ass out of the locker room. That night the Stanonik was rumored to have consumed many a bottle of Old Dan Tucker roamed the Golden Boy Farm screaming Augustus’s famous words after the Battle of the Teuotoburg Forest “Mike Pettine, legiones redde!” Woken from a two day Old Dan Tucker bender a sun glassed Al Davis style Stanonik gave the following comments about his team at Wednesday’s press conference. “I build great teams. That is just what I do. I will make this Golden Boy Farm great again. I am smarter than all my competitors. Frankly they are all stupid boobs and assholes.” When a reporter from the Ashtabula Star Beacon inquired if the Stanonik was drunk the Stanonik promptly threw a Old Dan Tucker bottle at the reporters head and had to be pulled off the podium by his assembled Golden Boys as he muttered obscenities.
This week’s competitor (victim) is the appropriately named Stand Your Ground. Gandolf stood his ground against a Balrog in LOTR. The GBF is the Balrog. SYG is about as mediocre as it comes in the FFBMCO with records of 5-8 (2013) and 7-6 (2014). They stand 3-2 this year in the Frowns Division (which is clearly the NBA East of this league). In many weeks SYG might have had a chance but the Stanonik has had the GBF running drills in the mud and muck all week, breaking down their manhood, and drilling them into perfection (insert montage to bad 80s pop music brine). The manhood of this Golden Boy Farm has been challenged and the Stanonik has risen to the challenge as a sadistic Stalin did as the Germans flooded into the Soviet Union in 1941. Time to stop their progress. Not one more step back. Welcome to the hunt Jamal Strong, James Starks, and Ryan Fitzmagic. A salty Water World banishment to the Lions defense and Red Rocket Weeden.
The Stanonik is very excited about the return of Andrew Luck to Indy on Sunday Night just in time for Patriots week! He was also glad to hear Golden Boy Legend Antonio Brown step up and tell Mike Vick “throw me the damn ball.” Damn time! GBF favorite Pittsburgh takes on the pesky Cardinals while GBF dud Cleveland Clowns take on GBF legend QB Peyton Manning. The Stanonik can be found Sunday at 4 pm screaming “Peyton I want to party with you!!!!!” near the Broncos locker room as they will surely destroy the upstart Browns. We close this week’s chat with this Churchill quote, “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
You humbled bro?
Like Icarus the Golden Boy Farm flew to close to the sun. Time to build stronger wings!
Icabod Crane says BOO!
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