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Brian3000 8 years, 6 months ago.
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Week 6 presented the biggest challenge the Golden Boy Farm has faced in its existence. The grounds of the Golden Boy Farm were bombed out, desolate, and salted by Dirt Mane following the largest defeat in GBF history. The pain of the week 5 loss was even more deep with the injury to GBF stalwart Jamaal Charles. The GBF was left to do some soul searching. Will the GBF merely submit to assimilation with their FFBMCO brotherhood? Are we merely one of the teams in the great middle of teams between 4-2 and 2-4? Are we not meant for a greater mission? A greater purpose? More bad news assaulted the GBF on Monday as it was discovered that GB Johnny Fucking Football was involved in a relapse into alcoholism and domestic abuse with his girlfriend of the moment. The Stanonik was so angry and distraught that he took the unprecedented step of removing Johnny’s golden boy status. Johnny Football was caste into the wilderness and told not to return to the farm until he was ready to prove his merit to his teammates. In one of the most painful moments in GBF history all golden boys lineup on the drive leading out of the GBF to spit on Johnny as he was banished from the farm. Mark Sanchez played bag pipes as Manziel walked slowly down the lane turning back several times to cast eyes on the Stanonik who stood firm in the center of the lane secure in his decision. In time Manziel disappeared over the horizon to be forgotten from GBF history. All history of Manziel as a GBF was redacted and burned.
The GBF remained in a malaise all week as they prepared for FFBMCO opponent SYG in week 6. Losing two members of its treasured brotherhood was too much to bear. As game time approached on Sunday morning the Stanonik addressed his assembled Golden Boys before they took the field of battle. As the sun began to crest the horizon the Stanonik shared these following words:
Good Morning. I address you this morning not as the president of the Golden Boy Farm, not as your coach, but as a citizen of this great farm. We are faced today with the very gravest of challenges. This afternoon you golden boys will join golden boys from around the league and you will be launching the largest assault on the FFBMCO in Golden Boy Farm history. Golden Boy Farm….that name should have new meaning to all of us today. We cannot be consumed by our petty differences anymore, we will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it is fate that today week six of the FFBMCO season and you will be once again fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression, or percussion but from assimilation. We are fighting for our right to dominate the FFBMCO. Our thirst for excellence and knowledge, every step up the ladder, every adventurous reach for dominance, all of our combined technologies and imaginations, even the wars we have fought have provided us with the tools to wage this terrible battle. To thrive! Through all of the wrongs and the discord, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our times there is one thing that has nourished our souls and elevated this farm above its origins and that is our courage! Now I want you to take a moment and I want you to look each other in the eyes…I want you to put each other in your hearts because forever is about to happen in a few hours. I want you to close your eyes and I want you to think about Jamaal Charles…..who is your brother….and he would die to be out there on that field with your today. The dreams of an entire Golden Boy Farm are focused this morning on you brave eight souls traveling onto the field of battle to defend this farm. And should we win the day, week six will no longer be known as an irrelevant week of the season but the day in which the Golden Boy Farm declared in one voice WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT!!!!! WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!!!! WE ARE GOING TO LIVE ON!!!!! WE ARE GOING TO THRIVE!!!!!! TODAY IS OUR REDEMPTION DAY!!!!!!!!!
The Battle for the Golden Boy farm waged deep into Sunday evening with the GBF and Stand Your Ground throwing blows at each other. As the final game a Sunday Night matchup between New England and Indy wound down SYG held a 97-91 pt advantage over GBF. The following events document the heroic moments between our GBF heroes on the sideline in Mike Tomlin and Brady Quinn and those on the field of battle led into battle by the Stanonik.
Brady Quinn turns to speak to Mike Tomlin.
BQ: “Sir we are running out of fantasy points. We are just not causing enough damage. Stand your Ground is settling directly over the Golden Boy Farm.”
Mike Tomlin radios the Stanonik.
MT: “They are preparing to ride Julian Edelman to a win.”
The Stanonik: “We are not staking out until he take us out. Golden Boys follow my lead”
On the field of battle the Golden Boys go plunging into the field of battle after their leader. The Stanonik is flanked by his two most trusted scorers in Everyday Eddie Lacy and Rob Gronkowski.
Eddie Lacy (EL): “My god they are everywhere.”
A flustered Lacy races around as SYG forces surround him.
The Stanonik: “Stand Your Ground are surrounding you.”
EL: “I see them.”
Eddie Lacy is blown out of fantasy relevance at a mere 3 points.
BQ: “Golden Boy Leaders I need a points check.”
The Stanonik: “We are at 97-91 with only minutes remaining.”
MT: “You’re out of time. You have to disable Stand Your Ground Now.”
The Stanonik seeing an opportunity to take out SYG’s last weapon in Edleman and clear a path for Gronk to lead the GBF to victory.
The Stanonik: “I’m in range. Locking on to Edelman.”
The Stanonik’s shot misses wide.
The Stanonik: “That is a negative hit. I repeat a negative hit. I’m
out of fantasy points.”Rob Gronkowski: “I’m on it.”
Gronkowski dives into battle but is immediately surrounded and halted at 12.50 points by Belichickitis and blown out of fantasy relevance as the clock ticks down.
The Stanonik: “Oh Jesus! “ The Stanonik responds to the disabling of Gronk. All hope seems to be lost.
Quinn turns to Tomlin.
BQ: “Sir all fantasy points have been fired.”
Tomlin radios the Stanonik.
MT: “You’re out of time. You need to get your ass out of there! Get as far away from this Golden Boy Farm as you can!!!!
The Stanonik: “We are not done yet! Doesn’t anyone have any fantasy points left?!!!!!!!!!!”
Out of the mist comes Andrew Luck
Andrew Luck (AL): “Sorry I’m late Mr. Stanonik. Kind of got hung up back there.”
The Stanonik: “Golden Boy are you armed?”
AL: “Armed and ready sir.”
On the sidelines Quinn turns to Tomlin.
BQ: “Who is that guy?”
Tomlin radios Luck.
MT: “Golden Boy please identify yourself?”
AL: “It is me sir. Andrew Luck. I told you I wouldn’t let you down. Just keep those guys off me for a few more minutes will ya?”
Quinn radios the remaining Golden Boys on the field.
BQ: “Ok golden boy leaders take flanking positions. I want you to protect this guy.”
The Stanonik: “All right Golden Boys. Let’s give Mr. Luck some cover. Gentlemen let’s plow the road.”
The Stanonik leads the remaining golden boys into the line blocking all the forces of SYG to clear the road for Luck. Luck slips through the lines and has the end zone in sites. But he is quickly picked up by Julian Edelman who can still strip victory away from the Golden Boy Farm.
Julian Edelman: “I’m on the leader.”
Edelman closes in on a game changing tackle when all of a sudden out of nowhere he is plowed out of the play by Johnny Football who comes racing out of nowhere.
Johnny Football radios Luck.
Johnny Football: “Yahoo! You’re all clear now Andrew! Now let’s wreck this league and go home.”
AL: “Alright you FFMBCO assholes! In the words of this Golden Boy Farm UP YOURS!
As Andrew Luck looks into the deadlights of SYG he says: “HELLO BOYS I’M BACK!!!!”
Luck launches the final points across the end zone and SYG explodes consuming the entire sky over the Golden Boy Farm as well as Luck and Manziel.
The Stanonik just barely escaping the explosion screams: “They did it! THE SOB’s DID IT!”
The Golden Boy Farm erupts in pure joy and runs off the sidelines to meet their victorious teammates and leader as Stand Your Grounds blows up in the distance.
The Stanonik (speaking to Tomlin): “Did our boys make it our?”
MT: “We have lost complete contact with Andrew Luck and Johnny Football.”BQ: “Wait coach. I think I see something!”
Out of the flames and across the desert battle field struts our heroes Johnny Football and Andrew Luck smoking cigars and sharing a bottle of Old Dan Tucker. The Golden Boys rush to greet them, picking them up and carrying them on their shoulders. The Golden Boy Farms has been saved and marches forward toward a championship at 5-1.
Week seven brings another matchup with Marcy’s Poo Punchers Unrated. What can one say about Marcy’s team that has not been said about Syria: it is bombed out, depleted, and run by a larger than life character who believes he is a great leader of men. The GBF will stack up a second consecutive win as the move on to larger meals. The Stanonik was wheeling and dealing this week and is excited to welcome a precious Brownie onto the GBF in the Duke Johnson. A big hardy welcome to Sebastian Janikowski who promises unending adventures through the Never Ending Story epic. A healthy purge goodbye to Denard Robinson and Jamal Strong.
The Stanonik is excited for an Antonio Brown resurgence at the hands of Landry Jones in KC, Luck’s dominance rolling into the Big Easy, and Gronk getting back to his manimal ways against the Jets. Ohio State travels to Rutgers to take on a MAC team. The Golden Boy Farm is eagerly preparing for Halloween by carving several Cyclops pumpkins and collecting candy for the Stanonik’s enjoyment. Back to their winning ways FFBMCO resistance if futile.
Please list the entire lineup of Golden Boys.
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